So, I've been thinking lately about how agency and motherhood go together. How do I teach my kids to use their agency wisely? How much should I "make" them do? How much agency do I allow? I haven't gotten very far and would appreciate any insights.
I did think about this. In 2 Ne. 2:16 it says that we have all been given agency and the ability to act for ourselves, but we cannot act for ourselves "save it should be that [we are] enticed by the one or the other."
Satan uses all manner of enticements to lure us into sin. What sort of enticements do my kids see that lure them and encourage them to live the gospel? The gospel is supposed to be "good news," "glad tidings," and "the great plan of happiness." Do I live the gospel and find joy in it so that my kids want to live like mom? If not, why should they want to live the gospel?
There is a right way to try to entice others to do good and live the gospel. Paul taught, "And my speech and my preaching was not with enticing words of man's wisdom, but in demonstration of the Spirit and of power: That your faith should not stand in the wisdom of man, but in the power of God" (1 Cor. 2:4-5).
What I think this means is that we need to bear testimony and live so that the Spirit can guide our words. Then, the Spirit can be the teacher and we can just be the instrument he plays through to reach them. I don't do this yet, but I think we should look every day for an opportunity to share our testimony in some way. That will entice them to use their agency to live the gospel, because it will make them feel so good!
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Lou, this is one I have thought about and struggled with too. Everyone agrees that there are certain things we need to MAKE our children do "for their own good." I haven't come to an easy answer on how to teach and discipline without FORCE, but I do believe a lot of the methods and "traditions" we have in dealing with children are not necessarily the best, even though they are basically accepted without question as the way things should be done.
ReplyDeleteIn thinking about your questions, I was reminded of two articles on agency that I read recently, and when I tried to find them I discovered that they were both by D. Todd Christofferson. I don't know that they explicitly answer the questions, "How do I teach my kids to use their agency wisely? How much should I 'make' them do? How much agency do I allow?" but maybe it will give you some insight into agency in general.
The two articles are:
"Moral Agency" Ensign, June 2009, 46-53
and "Moral Discipline" Ensign, Nov. 2009, 105-8 (latest General Conference issue).
I can't figure out how to copy and paste, or I would put my favorite paragraphs here, but in the second article I really liked the paragraph (it's about the 23rd paragraph) which starts "I have heard a few parents state that they don't want to impose the gospel on their children..."
In the first article I really liked the paragraph under the heading "The Savior's Exemplary Use of Agency" that starts out "Likewise, as our understanding of gospel doctrines and principles grows, our agency expands.